on marriage
my husband won't listen when i tell him what i want out of our marriage
WHY?
Why do you speak so harshly to me? Why do you act like I'm putting you out when I ask you to do something for me? Why do you make love to me so roughly? Why do you make fun of me because I gained a few pounds? Why do you try to act more like my father than my husband? Why do you complain about the clothes I wear? Why do you insist that I eat the exact same foods as you? Why don't you ask me to go for a car ride with you? Why do you undermine my authority in front of our daughter? Why do you threaten me? Why do you try to dictate who my friends are? Why do you call me names? Why don't you kiss me softly? Why don't you help me with some of the housework? Why do you act as if my dreams are pointless? Why don't you touch me tenderly? Why don't you bring me small surprises just because? Why do you try to bully me when you want your way? Why don't you hold my hand in public? Why don't you laugh with me? Why won't you take a walk with me? Why won't you be silly with me? Why do you put me down when I want to play and be funny?
2006-07-30 22:45:07
men can do housework - I think
I'm sitting at home, once again surrounded by a messy house and a mountain of dirty laundry. My husband is off running around looking for more mules or horses to buy. Nevermind the fact that we don't have the money to buy them - we need a new roof and a completly new kitchen and dining area and cannot afford to get that replaced. I feel like I take the backseat to everything else my husband wants to do and is interested in. Unless of course it's sex. I'm always suppossed to be avaliable then. I wish I had the nerve to just get a divorce. I know there has to be something else out there. Not all men can be like this - can they?
We, at least I, have verbally communicated what I want from him. It's not much, just some help. I work full-time, we have a 4 year old and I go to school full-time. Still, I am the only one who does the laundry, does anyhousework/cooking/etc, takes care of our daughter, and half the time am called on to help take care of our dogs/20+ horses/goats/barn cats/etc. He has a full time job, but when he gets off work, his time is his own, save for feeding the animals that he wanted. I know other men who cook, do laundry and dishes and they aren't gay, so why can't my husband help out some?
2006-07-29 14:45:32
marital communications regarding intimacy
I have NEVER been the type of person who talks about intimate feelings. I have never been encouraged to and it has always made me feel embarrassed. I have also been afraid of hurting my partner's feelings. In the last year or two I have come to the realization that if you don't talk about the problem, you can't complain about it not being fixed. So, I've been trying to communicate my feelings about our sex life to my husband of 5 years.
I have really thought this through because I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings. I have worked hard to come up with "suggestions" that are not critcial in nature and don't sound accusational. When I have voiced my opinions (for lack of a better word) they have fallen on deaf ears. He has either said "I do not" or "I do do it that way" or "I am being gentle" etc. Since tactful didn't work I went to plan B. Blatently honest.
The problem with plan B is that it was embarrassing for me and I had to overcome that before I could get on with the problem of solving all that was wrong with my sex life. Alas though, I did prevail. I flat out told him exactly where and how I wanted touched. I figured it was pretty cut and dried. I am begining to realize that nothing with my spouse is cut and dried because I once again got "I am not being too rough" (excuse me, but since when do you know how I feel?) and "I am touching you just like you showed me" (do you know the difference between a thigh and a belly?). So, now I am aggrivated.
I am 29 years old and I WANT to enjoy sex. I hate having the "on" switch flipped "off" just because I am married to a man that doesn't know the difference between an breast and a butt cheek! I have purchased books on foreplay, I have rented movies, I have given examples, toys - we have them and now I am at my wits end. I am a passionate person and I want to share love, tenderness and passion with someone (preferably my spouse). However, my husband equates love and passion with fast, rough sex and blowjobs. One of his favorite things to say is "If you really want to feel like I love you, you'll give me a blowjob." What?!
I need help. I am tired of feeling left out of the sexual loop. I am tired of having my feelings squashed and not taken seriously.
2006-07-07 23:35:45
